Mar. 19th, 2011

dreamwitch: (Default)
With the quiet of those who look under their skin for knowledge, you called out to me. In the sunset, there were many birds, and their screaming was like the wind: cold and fierce. Sometimes I think there's no better way to say this except: no. I can't.

I believed (in) you until you disappeared. I rewove the words; I patched up the gummy shoes and went out to greet you. There you were, unsmiling, a shadow in the center of my eye, where I could not see you.

Because you were like the wind, and because there's no agony greater than your absence. A cloudless day. Do you feel guilty, my old friend? You never existed.

You called me fierce kind because you did not understand; I did what I did not for mercy but for blood. You didn't understand; you didn't blow through me; you didn't whisper.

The fifth day is for silence, the tenth for screaming; on the fourth day, four years hence, I understood you.

In the old ceremonies, they'd have bound our hands together, sewn our eyelids open, pried the fingerprints from our hearts and made us wait for speech. These days, I cannot trust rumors or the awaiting morning light.

I wanted love to blind me; to explode behind my eyes and make me strong enough to be weak, to break me hard enough not to shatter. But your cruelty stopped short of blindness, and there's but one answer for the unforgiven: guess.

The dead speak quietly, but they never stop. The silent heart sits in the mouth, waiting for the hunger to pry it free.

Afterwards, I dreamt of him: dark in corners, telling me secrets once again. Why don't I speak of you, then, my mouth shut oyster-tight? Is it because I don't yet understand? The fourth year stretches on into the fourteenth and further still, and there's no footprint, no grave nor marker. No grave for the silent dead.

A life; a string of disappearances: the beads strung one by one. You come again, old friend, cloaked in silence and fierce kind to speak to in the empty room.

With the zeal of those with nothing to lose, I wanted love to blind me until the darkness spoke.

January 2012

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